I will never forget the moment I first heard the song “Wonderful Tonight” being sung. It was not a song I knew (even though Eric Clapton first recorded it in 1977), but what stopped me to listen to it was this. First of all, it was just such an elegant melody, and secondly, it was being sung by someone I knew, and up to that point I did not know that this person could sing so beautifully. I love to sing, but, sadly, God decided that another person needed the talent more than me, and instead, I am left to console myself in making a joyful noise. That night, when I first heard Wonderful Tonight being sung, I did wish that talents could have been distributed a little more evenly.

Apart from singing, I wish that God had spent just a little more time with my manufacturing process. You see, I would love to be elegant. Those that know me, will know that in trying to be elegant, I have a long way to go. Being elegant, often comes with being slender and graceful, and that is my first challenge. Oh, and also the second. Slender + graceful (does not) = me.

Most days I now seem to stop to have a chat with such a beautiful old lady. She does most of the chatting, I patiently stand and try to listen for little specs of conversation that I can lace together. You see, this dame is rather old, and her mind has wondered off a long time ago thanks to old age, and surely some dementia. So why bother to stop and chat, you may ask? You see, it is like this. I do not need her to be compos mentis to enjoy spending time in her company. What is evident, is that being a lady is so ingrained in her DNA, that she continues to be one, even when she is no longer aware of her surroundings. Elegance is defined as the quality of being graceful and stylish in appearance and manner. And even in her very old age, she is ever so stylish, sitting in her wheelchair, clutching her small purse and graciously talking in what must have been such a lovely voice when she was younger. One of the qualities, I have been told, of being an elegant woman, is being considerate and respectful of others. And always, my elegant old dame, is concerned about her Carer and her well-being.

An elegant lady also has the quality of being pleasingly ingenious and simple and shows neatness in her surroundings. Oops again. Neatness. I suppose neatness in elegance is a quiet, understated event. Neatness in my world is in big, bold capital letters. My mother comes from that generation that keeps everything and then covers it in a crocheted “lappie”.  And she does, both keep and cover. I suppose that for exactly that reason, I am the complete opposite. I am neat to the point where I find it difficult to function in a messy environment.

Another trait of being elegant is putting a standard on the way you behave and speaking with diction and grace. This one, I may achieve a “pass” for. I do try to behave in such a way people will invite me back. I am only joking when I say that. Over very many years, I have worked and liaised with many people, and I am always a little surprised in how I am remembered. Firstly, it is the voice. I once spoke to a supplier, who I had not dealt with for a few years. I called, and the person who took the call asked if she was speaking to Sjarlene from XYZ-place? Yes, I said, but I left that company a few years ago, so how did you make the connection. Your voice, she said. I recognize your voice. The second thing I am remembered for, if apparently that I always smile. Yes, I do. I think I was born smiling and the feature has never left me. Oprah once advised her audience that when on the phone, look at yourself in a mirror while talking, it will change the tone of your voice, as well as the tone of the conversation. Try it, it works. At the same time, if the person on the other end of the line talks too much, you can touch up your lipstick, or pluck your eyebrows. Whichever is more important.

The definition of elegance goes on to include being punctual. I try. And the times I am not punctual, it is because I got my timing wrong and got stuck behind the dairy cows. You cannot hold that one against me. Somewhere in the world, getting stuck behind cows is considered an act of nature. My specific herd of Ladies happen to be ever so elegant as they slowly cross the road, gently and gracefully dragging their hooves and chewing the cud, only stopping for an occasional Mooo, and a poo!

Elegant ladies are confident without being arrogant. I could perhaps score a merit point here, although it is a thin line. I am sometimes surprised at how much self-confidence I have, given how many hours I spent hiding under my bed as a child. It is a thin line, however, the balance between confidence and arrogance. I sincerely hope that I am not perceived as arrogant. I do, however, proudly hold my own and make my presence known – you can’t miss me. I am the always smiling voice, remember?

I want to go back to Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight. He sings about his woman, and the way she looks tonight. He starts off by telling her that she looks wonderful. He then tells her that she makes him feel wonderful. He concludes by telling her how wonderful she was. Why all these praises? Unless you want to be very disillusioned with the lyrics of this song, I suggest you stop reading at this point. You see, all this wonderfulness is because she drove the car home that specific evening, because the man had a headache.

And that, my dear tribe, is why I can only dream of being elegant! My sense of humour, my essence of life, and my voice (apparently) will always betray me.