I do feel so sorry for my Sons’ spouses. There is nothing easy about being tied to a Scot. That is a Scot with 1 T, as in the nation, not a Scott, as in Surname. They are not romantic at all. Colin and I have been married for a very long time -compared to some, and a very short time – compared to others. So then, before I tell you about how very unromantic a Scot can be, maybe lets first focus on a few of their more positive characteristics.

Scottish people typically associate themselves with being committed to social cohesion, justice, and equality. Furthermore, they live by values of wisdom, justice, integrity, and compassion. Oh boy. That is a tall order. On the other hand, they can also be superstitious, sentimental, and spiritual. Many Scottish people have a strong belief in the supernatural and in the strength of mythical and psychic worlds. Oh dear, and then it gets good. There is their piercing intelligence, striking good looks, irresistible charm, boundless sexual prowess, near-omniscient great wisdom and of course…., oh, gosh. No. That is enough. Aunty Google has too many attributes for the Scots. But you did notice, not once did the word R.O.M.A.N.T.I.C pop up. Nada. Nothing. Scottish men do not have a single fiber of romance in their makeup.

I am not one to give up easily. I know that if I keep looking, I will find the unholy grail that holds the key to Scottish romance. Ha! Robert Burns. That very famous Bard of Scotland. Surely, he bared his heart. So, I asked Aunty Google to take me to some of his poems. The first poem to pop up, is titled “Halloween.” The opening line being: Upon that night, when fairies light. Need I say more. Next poem: To a Louse. In this poem, written in Habbie dialect, Burns muses upon the louse that he spots crawling on a lady’s bonnet. Oh, dear, again. What about Tam o’ Shanter. That is a well-known poem! Alas. Not romantic at all. It is about an Ayrshire farmer fond of drink and spending time with his mates, and not so fond of getting home to his increasingly impatient wife. Nope, no romance in Scottish poetry. Let’s try their music.

Need I even start on the bagpipes? That very well-known woodwind instrument, with enclosed reeds fed from a constant reservoir of air, in the form of a bag that resembles an Octopus with attachment issues? The Piper with his bagpipes has been understood for years to be a symbol of Scottish patriotism, a fierce and brave fighter, and a cultural icon. Admittedly, we all know how the pipes can move emotions in your being that you did not know you had. You can play Old MacDonald had a farm on bagpipes, and someone in the audience is bound to get emotional. One or two may quietly wipe away a tear. But no, no romantic gazing into the Piper’s eyes. You see, to play the pipes takes a lot of puffing and blowing, and invariable the cheeks turn red and the eyes bulge. Not romantic at all.

Then there are their animals. No Don Quixote on a splendid steed named Rocinante. They have The Loch Ness Monster! Then there is also a Wee Beastie. This is a small animal of dubious description. It could be anything from a cute furry something, to a bug. I suppose it depends on how much of a tipple of Whisky you may have enjoyed.

And lastly, their clothing. I guess it takes that piercing intelligence, striking good looks, irresistible charm, boundless sexual prowess, near-omniscient great wisdom to make a kilt look manly. Spoiler alert: Youngest Son will tell you the difference between a kilt and a skirt, is underwear.

What then has sent me down this romantic rabbit hole today? About halfway through my day, there was a message from Colin on my phone. Would you be OK for doing a walk down to the beach this evening? What an Aww! Moment that was. That is as romantic as Coiln can get. And it does not happen often.

So, dear Sons’ Women. Know this. They will seldom be romantic. But they will always be your very own, faithful, patient, supporting, intelligent, occasionally handsome, but very reliable steed.

(Last warning: their favourite Whisky will cost more than your favourite perfume. Hang onto that one, it is a good bargaining tool.)