Eric Carmen, in 1975, recorded the song: All by myself, where he laments: “Don’t wanna be all by myself.” In 1975 This song reached gold status.

Joan Armatrading, in 1980 released:  Me, myself, I. In it she says: “It is not that I love myself, I just don’t want company.” This became one of her most successful singles, with some of the highest chart placing worldwide, and this also reached gold status.

There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. I suppose the short and sweet description would be that the one is sad and the other not. Being lonely is mostly associated with being downhearted as you feel you have no friends or company. Being alone, on the flip side, can be the enjoyable experience of having no one else present.

I hate being lonely, but love being alone. There is a difference.

I am a social being. I enjoy people. I relish different cultures. I appreciate contrasting opinions. I am also that person with a sign on my forehead that reads: Tell me your story. Colin often jokes that I have the ability to queue behind a stranger in a shop, and by the time I reach the check out point, I know that person’s story. As much as I can talk a lot (The hind leg off a donkey, Colin reminds me), I like to believe that I can keep confidence. Like most people, I hate being alone, especially on a Sunday afternoon, or the first fleeting minutes after receiving good news. At times, the loneliest moments can be when I see two blue ticks appear at the bottom of my WhatsApp message, and the recipient does not respond as soon as I want them to.

I also relish being alone. Being alone, gives me an opportunity to just take a break, that precious solitary time to just figure things out. In my case, loneliness adds beauty to life.  Even John Steinbeck had a view on loneliness, he said: “All great and precious things are lonely.” I am comfortable being alone. I need to be alone. Being alone, in my case, is not being lonely. I embrace my alone time. It gives me the opportunity to meditate, focus the mind and engage in deep reflection, which occasionally results in me changing my mind about a small – in my mind, detail in our building plans. By now, Colin knows that any sentence by me containing the words: I have been thinking…., will lead to him either doing work, or spending money. Or both.

I have previously referred to Colin as the one that makes me whole again. He is the other half to my whole. He knows it, and we have the joint assurance that we will always be each other’s priority. Colin also knows that I look forward to his fortnightly trips to Gauteng. It is my 3 days of bliss. My alone time. I embrace the time and make the most of it. This euphoria lasts until the middle of the third day, before I become lonely and wish he would come home now.

Being alone for three days, gives me time to reconnect with people, as happened this time around. After almost 20 years of having lost contact with an old friend, we traced each other. Now, in my case that is quite a feat. I am not active on social media (that coming from someone who writes a Blog!), so there was no Facebook on which to find each other. It happened the way it worked a millennium ago. I spoke to someone, who knew someone…and so we set up a Video Call for last night. I had a whole week to prepare myself for this meeting. I had all my questions lined up. I had my story of the past 20 years chronologized. I was ready for the catch up. Now, one of the down sides of being alone, is that you can have a shower and get into your winter pajamas rather early. Last night was no exception and I convinced myself that long lost friend on video call will polity refrain from commenting on my fleecy paisley top. After watching the clock forever (I did not want to be late) the call was finally made, and despite all my best laid plans and opening lines, the only thing that came out my mouth was: Is that your dressing gown you have on? Yes. After 20 years, there we were having our reunion in our pajamas. These are the types of friends one needs to keep for life. We chatted for TWO hours, and at the end of the call, I fortunately had my pajamas on, and could fall straight into bed.

There are other differences between being lonely and alone. One can feel lonely in a crowd. It is very difficult to be alone in a crowd. One of my biggest challenges at times in my new community, is to have that fine balance of: I need time on my own. It is so difficult to explain to good people that I am quite fine on my own, and that there is no need to call on me to check if I am still alive. Specially if the loneliness is not on my part, but on theirs. Sadly, there are so many lonely people in this world. So many who have not been fortunate enough to have found and made friends with themselves, and still need validation from others to keep the “black dog” away.

In moments of loneliness this past month, I had allowed my thoughts to turn to the past two years, when the world battled Covid. In my lonely moments I recall the friends I have lost to the pandemic. I do regret my times of insisting on being alone when they were feeling lonely. I think of their families and wonder about their journey with grief. I wonder what stories they would tell strangers in the check out queue. I will this weekend take a beach walk, alone by choice, and I will remember them.

Walking on our mountain, we have created an unofficial pathway over time. As with these paths, any plants on it eventually get flattened and the soil compacts into a hard surface. This week, nature reminded us of how resilient it can be. There, in the middle of the path, a lonely protea chose to sprout. It reminded me. No matter how alone or lonely you may be, look out for the new green sprout, with its pinky promise of hope for growth, renewal, and prosperity.