Guys, I am in trouble.

We are 80 days away from a wedding, and I resemble Mrs. Buffel, beached on a sand dune, waiting for my skin to shed. This problem is real. You see Daughter-in-Law-to-be is a tiny little thing. She comes knee-high to a flea. The Mother on that side, comes knee-high to a tick. And that means I am in trouble. This leaves me with two options. Option One, I find a way to lose a lot of weight in a truly short period of time. Option Two? I get the wedding venue to dig a hole for me to stand in when taking photos. Truth is, I only have myself to blame.

For the past heaven only knows how long, I have been telling you about all the nice little restaurants, my favourite coffee shops (there are several, so not sure which is my favouritest favourite), I dedicated an entire blog to eating cake. Go count how often the word Licky Cone appears in my writings, and only then, will you perhaps grasp the severity of my very real problem. There is of course an Option Three, but that involves a Kaftan, and I am not ready for that yet. I think. Or maybe I am. Or not….

As a child, I was often told enough is as good as a feast. Did I listen to, and follow these wise words? I guess you know the answer to that one. Oh, no. Instead, I did a Marie Antoinette and made me eat cake. To be fair to this fair queen of France, apparently, she never actually told anyone to eat cake. These words were attributed to her by some revolutionary spin doctor.

Which brings me to Colin, who may or may not be in trouble himself. As you know by now, I do the writing, but Colin oversees finding the perfect photo every week. So, what will he choose this time? Either way, you know he will be in trouble. But let us step away from this very big, troubling topic. I guess it is safer to talk about the weather, at a time like this.

I was sent a cartoon yesterday. Pictured on it is a rather cold and drab version of a cartoon Camilla-look-alike, the caption being: Thought winter was over? It is almost as if winter got angry, stormed from the room, only to return to say “oh, just one more thing…” In a space of one week, we have gone from me swapping my winter and summer wardrobe. Fortunately, I had the good sense to keep a few “in-between” items out for a chilly day, only to the very next day wear ALL of my in-between items all at the same time. Even my trusted old rubber friend, the hot water bottle, resurfaced. Fast forward another two days, and here I am in a short-sleeved top, wondering what culinary delight I can produce for supper. Something we can enjoy al fresco.

On the upside however, tomorrow night is the Hermanus Art Walk. The last time we did it, was maybe in June, I think, and it was freezing cold. So cold, in fact, that we bought Curry Take Aways to warm us up. And here I am, paying the price for that curry. A moment on the lips, and a lifetime on the hips. Perhaps the solution is to do five art walks all in the space on one hour, you know, get some steps in.

And then come home to a refreshingly, crispy lettuce leaf.

Oh, Guys, I am in trouble!