My younger sister moved to Dubai in 2007. After 11 years in Dubai, she then moved on to the USA. I remember her telling me that for the first year in Dubai, she would wake up in the morning, and the moment her feet touched the floor next to the bed, her first thought would be: What have we done? She says the feeling lasted a year.

Me, on the other hand, wake up, and my first thought is: If I just lie here and pretend to be asleep, Colin will get up first and make coffee…..

Cats, however, are very clever. You can’t fool a cat. One can pretend as much as you like that you are still asleep, but Domino can tell, and he knows it will only take one jump, landing on my bladder, and I will be out of bed. Nathaniel (a local “foodie” and entertainer) once said: If you don’t know where your kitchen is, just follow the cat. And so the battle of wills start: bathroom or kitchen? Most mornings Domino wins, and kitchen it is to feed him.

Invariably, as the day progresses, my “what have we done” moment does catch up on me. It sneaks up when I least expect it, and then WHAM! I fly into a low-level panic, and think: what have we done?

What on earth made us pack up some of our life, and sell a lot more of it? We gave up our lovely house and left behind our friends and community. All of it, because we wanted to start afresh here in Betty’s Bay. What were we thinking? The enormity of it for a few moments leaves me looking like a deer in head lights.

Then the little things kick in.

We had a short surprise visit from friends from Pretoria. Rene commented on my skin looking healthy.

Colin this morning looked at me and said: gosh you look good. This out of the blue comment from him, took me a bit by surprise.  (With my daily walking, I have picked up a bit of a tan, and this morning I had my hair tied back, and maybe it just showed.) After 30 years: I can tell when Colin is sincere, or just trying to flatter. And since he was not in any kind of the usual marital trouble with me, I think he was sincere.

Somebody else thought that I had lost weight. (No, I have not. Maybe they just could not put their finger on, something looks different, they just don’t know what. And default setting is always: she must have lost weight. It is a bit like asking for a drink, when you are not sure what is on offer. A bit like saying: I’ll just have a Coke.)

Today again, someone in passing told me I look so “summery”. I think he was 80 years old, and tried to wink, but it doesn’t matter. It is the kindness that shone through.

And as much as I appreciate the compliments, at some point today it did make me stop and think. And the answer is yes. I do look better. I feel better. I sleep better. I am gradually letting go of the “corporate” me. I wear happy dresses, and casual shoes. For too many years, my wardrobe was black and white, and for variety, navy and white. My days are less challenging, and I no longer have to walk the political tight rope, of the corporate world. I look forward to emails, knowing that they are from friends who want to make contact. I do not have to deal with nasty people, workplace politics, or having to treat people with a level of respect they don’t deserve. There is just so much that I can let go of. And if giving up our Pretoria life is the collateral damage, then I just must accept that was the price. We are in limbo for now, but it will not last forever, and by the end of this year, we will be restored.

I look out the window, and I look out onto farmlands, a short hop in the car, and I take a walk on the beach. I stop at farm stalls, and I buy the sweetest sun ripened fruit fresh from the tree. I was asked today: Do you want Caledon apricots, or would you rather wait for the Ceres delivery later this afternoon? They are much sweeter. Really? I can choose where my apricots originate from?  I buy unbleached, stone-ground flour and bake bread. We have found a Fish & Chip shop at the harbour. While waiting for our lunch, we saw the fisher man walk in with his catch. I buy homemade yoghurt from a stall, and it is just the nicest, creamiest yoghurt ever. Truly, I have gone from shopping at a supermarket, to buying at farm stalls.

And clearly: it shows. I look and feel healthy.

Colin is the architect of our new home, but I keep saying that I am the project manager. My idea of project managing involved mostly supervising and demanding, but I think Colin had other ideas, and last week handed me a whole list of things to do. Such as sorting out the rates bill on the property. I wasted no time in sending off a mail, and got an automated response that my query will be dealt with, and I can expect to be contacted…..blah, blah. You know the drill. Would you believe that the next morning we were called by a person from the municipality and had a personal discussion and by the end of the call, our query was resolved? Now, as much as we did not make a political move down here (The Western Cape is DA managed), we were completely blown by the fact that somebody saw our mail, investigated, and called us back. Truly, it was a first for us. Now that was worth moving for!

Colin is also looking more relaxed. I hope it stays that way. And Domino is getting fat. Botrivier’s population of wheat eating, river water drinking, organic mice may soon find themselves rather extinct.

I still have my “what have we done” moments, and I will have for some time to come.

But then, I also have moments where I must make big decisions: Will it be Caledon apricots, or would I rather come back later for the Ceres ones. I believe they are sweeter.

Sjarlene.