I have two choices here. I can either start with an attempt at explaining as to why I did not Cape Crawl last week. But no, it is not worth going down that road. Instead, I can warn you that this is going to be a multilingual installment. You see, last week I found myself ukuntula amandla angokomzwelo. So, what changed? Firstly, I got over myself. And then I came across this line from a poem by DJ Opperman:

Ek het die wondere van God beskryf en al die monsters uit my hart verdryf.

(In describing the miracles of God, I banished the monsters from my heart – my translation does not do the phrase justice, but I hope you get it.)

So, what brought me to DJ Opperman? And why the Zulu lesson, you ask? And for those who could translate Siyakhula, you are probably asking exactly what is growing, or expanding? Ha! Do I have a surprise to share. But before we get there, first some background.

There was a time when the SABC used to produce some magnificent TV shows. That was back when families were glued to a communal screen, staring at the TV that they were proud to have a paid-up license for. These productions were not only entertaining, but they were also educational. In South Africa, it is very easy to be multilingual. With eleven official languages, what do you expect? I am fluent in two of the languages (Afrikaans and English), and know smatterings of some of the other languages, mostly Zulu and Sepedi. This comes as a surprise to speakers of these languages, and they wonder where I had picked it up. Sepedi, I was taught at school, along with German (what were they thinking?). And Zulu? I learnt Zulu watching TV.

In 1986, Shaka Zulu exploded onto our TV screens, in the shape of Henry Cele. Man, oh man. None of us have any inkling of what the real Shaka looked like, but who needs an historical photo or drawing, and so I think today, most South Africans, confuse the person and the actor. It was the old South Africa. Races and classes were not allowed to fraternize, hence this very young wit meisie could not admit that Henry Cele was simply the most beautiful vision of a long dead Zulu king. What I could do however, was to be glued to the TV, and as much of the audio was in Zulu (with subtitles in English), I was faced with two choices: Ogle Henry, or read sub-titles. The decision was easy, and in the process, I learn a lot of Zulu. In fact, enough to surprise a few folks.

This week, I found myself in a space where I met, in person, for the first time, two old TV Show celebrities that, as with Shaka, I became well acquainted with, courtesy of the SABC. Both of these actors graced the very same TV screens as Shaka. Both also acted on stage, and when I had my own family of young sons, we would every year go to see the Christmas Pantomime, which featured one of these actors. Every Panto has a “dame” played by a man. Having known both of them all my life, I finally met them in person. Both are now well into their 70’s. Apart from the shock of realizing that even celebrities get old, was me realizing what absolutely lovely people they are. Friendly, humble and so willing to patiently pose for yet more photos. The reason for the occasion was a peak into the life of DJ Opperman. So as to not interrupt myself – yet again!, I will maybe another time reflect on Afrikaans poetry. It was a wonderful interlude, which I enjoyed more than I had anticipated, and it helped me find the quote above, and allow myself some ukuphulukisa.

Now, for the growing bit. You know when you have a secret and you are not allowed to share? That has been me for the past four weeks. I was not allowed to tell, except of course, just to get it out my system, I did sneak in a conversation with the likes of a petrol attendant, or such, who I knew would have no desire to pass my secret on. Now, as with most of my announcements, there is a story to get through first….

When our sons got to a certain age, I informed Colin one happy day, that it was time to have “the talk” with the boys. Why me? He wanted to know. Because they are boys Colin. Had they been girls, I would have had the assignment. Colin must have bumbled through this very well. In fact, too well. Colin, I said not so long ago, you know that talk you gave Sons on not getting girls pregnant? I think you need to tell them that it is OK now. As with my celebrity crushes, I am not getting younger, and I am ready to be a Granny. Be careful what you wish for. Because, you see, I am going to be a Granny. A real one. A human one. Not a grandPAWrent to furries. Soon Cape CRAWL, will take on a whole new meaning.

Indeed. It was this little miracle of God, which banished the monsters from my heart.

Once we got the go-ahead to now share the good news, I did so with gusto on WhatsApp. I sent a message off to my Stoep Friend. Guess what, I bragged. You will not believe it, she replied, so am I, she gushed. Indeed, we are both going to be Omama Abakhulu.

Then sang my soul, of Your greatness.