Melancholy is a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. It is a situation that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Melancholy likes to come knocking on a Sunday afternoon. It hangs around your memories; it clings to your hopes and dreams like a blackjack and creates a very deep longing for someone you have yet to meet. It can leave you staring at a spot on the wall, wishing that life had turned out different. Those of us who are lucky may lose their appetite. Not me. It makes me eat Salt & Vinegar chips, Fizzer Toffees and Fruit Loops. It can exasperate feelings of guilt (these feelings are greatly enhanced at the disgust you feel at yourself sans Fruit Loops.) Melancholy is a nasty companion, and if you allow him too many liberties, he will overstay his welcome and make you feel so unworthy of all the blessings you have had, are still enjoying, and can look forward to. Melancholy, if not guarded against becomes Velcro in your soul. A big fat tick, one that everyone can see, but all are too grossed out to come near it.

The Tremeloes sang the song Even the bad times are good. In it they sing:

There are times in this life of mine

I think the sun forgot how to shine.

There is that proverbial phrase of a glass half empty, or full, depending on the situation. My cup is always full to the brim. I have a way of finding the silver lining to a dark cloud. I see the humour in the darkest of moments, and I laugh in the face of danger. One of my siblings once remarked that I stumble where angels fear to tread. How then is it that I succumbed to such a great case of melancholy a week or so ago? I have no idea. I just woke up one morning with this heavy feeling in my heart, and tears burning the back of my eyes. I can’t explain it. I did not invite it in, it just burst into my life and had me eating Fizzers and Fruit Loops. It made me angry at my friends, it made me ungrateful for my life. And as suddenly as it appeared, it simply disappeared in a big “POOF”! I can’t explain it, but while I was dealing with it, it was ever present and had me feeling very fragile.

Because we are all techno junkies, I turned to my favourite Aunty, and asked: How is it that a happy person can turn sad for no reason at all? One of the quotes that popped up is this:

If you ever feel sad, just remember the world is about 4.543 billion years old and that you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie. Now, you can replace the name David Bowie with any other name you can think of. But I found the reference to him rather profound.

David Bowie succumbed to cancer. There is a lot one can learn from cancer.

Some years back, I had a friend. She had a very aggressive form of cancer, but being rather young with two young-teen sons, she was desperate to stay alive, just a little longer. In the end, cancer took her far too soon. The last time I visited her, she was already in an ICU ward in hospital, As I was leaving, she shouted after me: I love you, my friend. Apart from the attributes I mention above, I am also rather stoic, and spontaneous statements of love do not easily tumble from my lips, and so I just gave her a bit of an awkward smile and rushed from the hospital ward. Those were the last words she said to me. Next time I saw her, she was in a coma. But the experience taught me: Tell people that you love them – selectively, of course, but you get my drift.

When I arrived in Botrivier just over a year ago, I made many new acquaintances. One of these is with a rather dignified and ever so interesting lady. She deserves to be called a lady, as she personifies all the characteristics associated with a lady. So it is that she too is in the grips of cancer. I popped in to see her over the weekend, knowing that this visit may well be my goodbye to her. She knew it too, yet every inch of being was one of dignity and acceptance. This visit was that magic “POOF” that I needed to jolt me back to being grateful and happy. Firstly, it allowed me to have a good old cry on the shoulder of a new friend. Tears are good for you, you know. They cleanse your soul and make your eyes sparkle.

Secondly, it reminded me that I am still here, and it is indeed a wonderful world. A world in which I am still healthy, where I still have dreams and where I am the only limit to my opportunities.  A world where I do live in the most beautiful piece of earthly heaven, while I wait for our house to be completed. A world where I have the luxury of getting impatient with the craftsmen working on this house yet knowing that all great things take time. A world where I can complain about the weather yet lose myself looking at mist rolling over the mountains. A world where Colin purposely detoured on a road, so he could show me the newest flock of lambs. A world where all I need to do is look up and somewhere on the distance, I will spot the sea.

Louis Armstrong gave us a Wonderful World. The Tremeloes took us to a world where the sun forgets to shine. Melancholy drowns you in a deep darkness, often one of your own creation. It is OK, after all we are only human. The danger lies in falling in love with Melancholy. (Edgar Allan Poe’s words.)

In closure, back to my favourite Aunty. I typed in: How can a normally happy person feel so unexpectedly low? And this wisdom popped up: If ever you feel sad, just remember that at this moment there is a fat kid somewhere in the world dropping his ice cream.

 I guess I asked for that one.